Cinnamon Doughnuts and a Neenish Tart

“Good morning, Mr. Robertson.  It’s good to see you.  Would you like your regular order?”

“Good morning, Angela.  It is good to see you, too.  As fond as I am of the cinnamon doughnuts, I shall have a neenish tart in honour of Mrs. Robertson.”

“I am sure she would have approved.  How long has it been?”

“Just going on two years, my dear.”

Angela finished scribbling down the order, uncertain of what to say, but slipped back into her business manner, “Take a seat and I’ll bring your order out.”

Mr Robertson took a seat near the window of the coffee shop and carefully placed his trilby on the left hand corner of the table.  Drawing his pocket watch from his waistcoat he checked the time against the Town Hall clock.

Angela placed her hand lightly on his shoulder as not to startle him, letting it pause before placing the tray in front of him.

“I added something a little extra,” she said indicating the second paper bag.  “I’m sure Mrs Robertson wouldn’t mind.”

Mr Robertson chuckled gently as he caught the aroma of freshly cooked cinnamon doughnuts and watched the oil leave its fingerprints.  He began arranging the silver tea pot, milk jug and sugar bowl with a measured deliberateness and shaky hands.

Finishing his tea and tart, Mr Robertson prepared to leave.  He checked the time on his watch before donning his hat.  Reaching for the bag of cinnamon doughnuts to fold the top he noticed a slip of paper.  It was the stub of a receipt from the café and it simply said, “Sorry.”  He folded the note and slid it into his pocket beside his watch.

On his way passed the front counter, he doffed his hat to Angela, “Thank you.”

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8 responses to “Cinnamon Doughnuts and a Neenish Tart

  1. Another attempt at the Friday Fiction prompt (is that cheating?).
    I was thinking over the idea on the way home from work when this idea developed. The back of an envelope meant I didn’t lose the idea.
    PS Don’t write and drive.

  2. This comment came courtesy of my facebook page, where a young friend of mine gave his two cents’ worth. I add it here because it is just awesome.

    Calum W
    That’s deep. Cinnamon & Donuts. Crazy. Many things arise from this. The normal for Mr Robinson is a cinnamon donut. In this day and age it just couldn’t be. Lets see..im guessing Mr R is about 5ft9, 95kgs, sedentary lifestyle,exercise ceases to exist and has a family history of heart conditions. A cinnamon donut a day is going to ruin him.Pretty much send him to his death bed early.

    To look at the other end of the spectrum, why is this ‘Angela’ giving him what seems to be a ‘free’ donut’? Not only is she putting her job in jeopardy but Mr R is going to want more free donuts. He is’nt seeing this a kind gesture.(his thankyou is quite shallow and pedantic). He is going to want more free donuts. This in turn will ruin Angela because she will not meet the needs of him. That 1 free donut has caused such a problem that Mr R will expect so much more and when Angela doesnt provide, he will take his services elsewhere; in turn causing Angela to lose a valued customer. In this day where money matters she’s only going to slide bottom first down the ricketly hill which we call the ‘reccession’. Angela is now ruined.

    This ‘fictional’ story arises many ethical arguments which I have barely touched on. You sir are wild…. See more

    Ohhh and that bit about the waistcoat.lollllll. he wears a waistcoat.

    And your last sentence is written wrong i think:

    On his way passed the front counter, he doffed his hat to Angela, “Thank you.”

    shouldn’t it be ‘on his was past the front counter?’ or ‘on his way he passed the front counter?’

    hey you’re the english drummer man. with ze bright orange hair.

    you’re a good guy.

  3. You’ve portrayed the old-fashioned gentleman very well, not only through a couple of descriptives (trilby, pocket watch) but also through the tone of the piece: the overpoliteness, calling his dead wife by his last name, etc.

    Well done. Here’s mine: http://mdbenoit.com/blog/2010/02/26/fiction-friday-sorry/

  4. The awkwardness of the conversation somehow works in its favour. yes – its a first draft – so it is natural that you will have clunky bits. I think there is merit in rewriting this into a snappier piece. You show alot of empathy for the characters.
    (ps I love neenish tarts)

  5. I agree with Annie, this piece warrants a rewrite. I liked it.

  6. Hmmmm. I wonder, how I wonder what the sorry is sorry for as there are so many places you could meander.

    Excellent.

  7. Anyone got any suggestions as to what could make this piece better? Would love to hear your thoughts.

  8. Oh I love yours!!! It’s amazing how so many different possibilities spring from just one prompt. But yes, I really enjoyed this. So poignant.

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