[FGC #5] The Slap

Writing #twitfic is hard. You need to construct a convincing narrative and engage the reader’s emotions, all in the space of 140 characters. (That’s 140 characters, bang on).

Jodi Cleghorn described them as breaths, a snapshot. She likened them to photographs. This inspired a spool of ideas, developed into an album I called Polaroid Memories. Click for the link to read.

But to encapsulate a narrative and create a emotional response is difficult. I threw a lot of them down, but here is the one I ended up going with.

The Slap

She watched the welts on his cheek rise like loaves of bread as tears filled the corner of her eyes. Her finger stabbed. “Never again.”

Word Count: 140 characters

Actual Count: 135 characters

Off Cuts and Throwaways

Couldn’t let some good words go to waste, so I’ve included some of them here. You can see if I was right in my choice.

* In the silent dark she kissed his cheek and rose from the bed. She took the suitcase from under the bed and lingered at the door. “I’m sorry.”

* Sneaking into his brother’s room, he dropped the stylus into the grooves and put the headphones in place. Air guitar never sounded so good.

* Rubbing the stone between his thumb and forefinger, he weighed it carefully before the glass walls surrendered to his actions.

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10 responses to “[FGC #5] The Slap

  1. Great twit-fic, I really like the imagery. One of my favourites of the entries so far. The others you wrote were all great too, I think the first one is even better than the one you chose

  2. This one was emotionally intense. As always, nicely done.

  3. I like how the roles of the slappee and slapper are ambiguous. They could be lovers, friends, parent and child… it’s all up to the reader. Very nice.

  4. Pingback: Form and Genre Challenge #5 Submission | Write Anything

  5. Those words “Never again.” They mean so much.

  6. I don’t think I could condense something so powerful into so few words as well as you do.

  7. Another example of stellar twitfic. You said so much in those few words.

  8. Extremely evocative! I love the action and unanswered questions!

  9. for a story with 2 words of dialogue, there’s a lot being said between characters here. Quintessential flash fiction. Good stuff.

  10. Very evocative … almost hard to read. Thanks!

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