1. You can name all the members of The Wiggles AND Hi-5, past and present.
2. You cannot name a single new song on the radio, but you can know all the words to The Wiggles and Hi-5
3. Silence is when you get to go the toilet without being interrupted
4. “Legato” is not a musical term, but a means of finding pieces of Lego lost in the carpet in the middle of the night with your toes. They wedge themselves in-between your big toe and second toe, sharp edge first
5. You make a sandwich for your spouse, cut the crusts off and cut it into 4 small triangles
6. Quality time with your spouse is having a cup of tea or coffee and it doesn’t get cold and require reheating
7. You’re helping with their mathematics homework and you forget 2+2=4
8. Nudey runs from the bathroom (by you) are becoming a source of amusement and embarrassment (for your children)
9. “Bum” is still considered a rude word and is said with subtle sniggering
10. You look at their toys and wonder if any of them will ever become collectibles so you can turn a profit when they turn 21
Add your own ideas to the comments below.
A Fullness in Brevity - Adam Byatt 
When you look at the list of things you were “never going to do” as a parent and aren’t sure whether to categorize it as humor, science fiction or horror.
Or “all of the above”
Haha, my did pulled a number 8, when me and my buddies had come home and he didn’t know we were there. My friends will never forget…
— you wake up with the music to a children’s movie stuck in your head
–when an uninterrupted shower is considered mommy time
–you wake up and somehow find you’ve been laying on a plastic thomas the tank engine
–when you find yourself drinking a juicebox because other than water that’s all there is to drink
– You can quote almost all Disney Pixar movies. In your sleep, on a double dose of codeine.
– You’ve forgotten what colour your carpet originally was.
– The last time you slept past 6am was the morning of your highschool English exam.
– Vegetables come mashed in an unrecognisable pulp or in cognito in every dish you EVER make.
– You realise the smell and sight of poo/spew/snot or anything that as a pre-parent made you pass out, now seems a walk in the park.
– Your childless friends glaze over as soon as you say; “You SHOULD have heard/seen what X said…”
I could go on forever. Numbers 4,6,8 and 9 are particularly prevalent in our house!
Bodily fluids like poo and vomit I can handle. The true stomach-churning thing for me is snot.
Can relate to all the above! I would add:
1) You know with frightening accuracy the timeslots of nearly every program on Abc4 in the two hours before dinner time.
2) Preparing to go anywhere takes nearly as long as the actual outing itself.
3) Just when you think you couldn’t possibly get any more familiar with poo in all it’s forms, textures etc, you discover the joy of stepping into it, bare footed as you exit the bath with the other child, spotting the discarded nappy down the hall and an unconcerned child playing nearby with a soiled bottom airing itself. (This could be a joy limited to mum’s of boys perhaps?)
Add:
1.Sleepins only happens when said child is ill.
2. ‘We made breakfast’ calls for a kitchen hose down.
3. Midnight trips to the hospital are an outing.
4.When YOU need it, the band-aid box is empty.
5.Explaining that Picasso did not use poo for fingerpainting the toilet wall.
6. No you cannot have breakfast at midnight…go back to bed.
7. Hearing ‘but Daddy lets me……’ from the next room.
Love #3 because I’ve been there, done that. And the brown crayon is not something I’ve experienced, but I know friends who have.
When you only have kids birthday paper to wrap your adults friends’ presents in… and then discover the only thing without spiders or robots is fairy christmas wrap and go stuff it… because they’ve probably done it too!
When you’re chuffed someone remember YOUR birthday.