Slogans for Poetry – A Poem

This excerpt was the inspiration for another twitter poem. 

Tomorrowland, directed by Brad Bird, was a box office disappointment and has been poorly received by critics. It has a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes. A. O. Scott of the New York Times wrote that the film, “searching for incitements to dream, finds slogans and mistakes them for poetry.”
The full article is here on Buzzfeed.

our poetic voice
of heart’s passion
mind’s emotion
is reduced to
slowing the heart
until the pulse

To be honest, I’m not happy with the result because A. O. Scott says it so much better. There’s such poetry in his statement that my attempt to remix his words into something new seems feeble.

It’s a sentiment I like and one I will return to after it has composted in my head for a while longer.

What do you think of it? In the words of Count Rugen, “Remember, this is for posterity, so please, be honest.”


2 responses to “Slogans for Poetry – A Poem

  1. I like the direction you’re taking and am interested in seeing your next version. I think you could cut more words and have greater impact. Drop ‘is’ from line 4 and see how that feels. Just a random thought for posterity.

    • Thanks for the comment. The removal of “is” would help with impact.
      When I was writing it I was aiming for brevity but now want to expand it to make it sound more like poetic slogans.

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