Tag Archives: relationships

Raining Arguments – Very Short Story

Behind her the argument continued as she watched two rain drops run parallel down the window, merged, then broke apart again.

Eat Your Heroes

After my post on Tuesday, Is Comparison Killing Your Creativity? a good friend of mine, Deane, sent me a lengthy response.

I have his permission to reproduce it here because it dovetails nicely with Tuesday’s post.

Deane has been a creative inspiration to me, even before I applied myself to writing, music and teaching. He’s the kind of guy whose artistic vision and creative endeavours leaves you slavering for more. When he talks about the things he wants to do, intends to do, gets around to doing, you want to go there with him and see it all happen.

Tuesday’s post dealt with the danger of comparing yourself to others and how it kills your creativity. Deane discusses the effect of slavish devotion and imitation of your creative heroes. And it comes with a warning. 

Eat Your Heroes

DEANE PATTERSON

Even the most ardent and individual creator needs input to learn, excel and eventually dominate their field. We all want to be like the giants of our chosen art form, and we read their books, blogs and imbibe their art as part of the process of learning to bring our own endeavours to life.

I recently read the first chapter of a book created by a personal inspiration: photographer Gregory Heisler. The book delves more into the mind-set rather than the technical approach of a man who has shot more than 70 Time Magazine covers.

I have wanted to expand my photography. I have one light. I have one short lens. The only thing smaller would be a body cap with a hole drilled in it as a pinhole camera. I usually have 5 minutes or less to craft a portrait that is intended for a wall sized print.

But in the first few pages, the master suggests that he too wished that he had more than 5 minutes to take a picture. He emoted his desire to just travel with one light. His description of the need to keep a certain distance (not to close, not to far) suggested I had the perfect lens.

I was looking for the magic beans, the formula. Perhaps, dare I utter the words, a reproducible technique?

Heisler said in a recent interview, “You can learn a technique, but the first time you get in a situation where it doesn’t work, you’re done.”

As artists, we look up to the pantheon of heroes who have gone before us. Prize winners. Gallery wall limpets. Best sellers. Icons of cool.

We wonder if we need to have the same tools. Perhaps a Moleskine, or a Mont Blanc. An original Les Paul or a Steinway. Leica or Hasselblad.

When we grow up, or at least reach the understanding some tools are too expensive for mere noob mortals, we try and ape technique.

Portraiture is based on trust.

Everyone who has every written about Mr Heisler mentions how he gains the trust of his subjects – forging a quick but mutually respectful relationship. To him, trust outweighs any equipment, because his photos depend on a connection with the person (not merely a talking meat puppet) he is engaged with.

That’s who I need to become in order to approach that level of work in my field. That’s character, not technique. You don’t learn character in an ‘Idiot’s Guide to Legendary Artistic Achievement.’

I am all for learning the basics – and certainly practicing till your fingers or your neighbour’s ears bleed. But art is not a mechanical achievement. The mechanics are necessary, but they don’t put words in your head, a song in your heart or an image in your eye.

You must learn the heart of those who have gone before you. You must partake of their motives, their emotion and their reason. This is why you must choose your inspirations carefully.

Better to choose Christopher Nolan (Inception) than Lloyd Kauffman (The Toxic Avenger).

When selecting a role model, look at who they are – because that’s the direction your life is headed for at least the next few months or years. It’s who they are, their character, that truly informs their art.

This means you are free to be inspired by many people outside the narrow confines of your niche or genre. You can revel in the creativity of a wide range of very original individuals – and you (and your speciality) will be richer for it.

You are what you eat – and you will consume your role models. You will forage the interwebs for every morsel from their mouths and every project they every let loose in the public domain.

When you are ready to learn from a master, take a good long look at who they are and ask yourself: would I put that in my mouth?

Deane Patterson is a portrait photographer and sometimes composer and filmmaker living in rural New Zealand.

Visit him at http://itellstories.co.nz/

Find his work on flickr and National Geographic Your Shot.

What Will Be Your Creative Legacy?

I stand at the beginning of my writing journey, still wearing in the new shoes of “writer” and attending to the blisters on my heels with Band Aids.

I look forward down the road where other writers have been and look at the legacy they have left behind. I read the graffiti scrawled on the walls of the underpasses and bridges of commentators and critics, other readers and writers and come to understand the place of writers and storytellers, the mischief-makers of language and those who guard its legitimacy with fervour and zeal.

What Will Be Your Creative Legacy?

As I walk, I wonder what my creative legacy will be. Will my words live on beyond me in tomes of dead trees or digital imprint?

I’m not sure I really care because I want to leave a different legacy.

The essence of creativity is not to leave a body of work but to leave a legacy of relationships.

Through digital connections and real life conversations I’ve made great relationships. As a writer, I’ve made connections with people who are further along the journey than me who are willing to share their insight and input even if it’s limited by 140 characters. I’ve met other writers who I walk along side, encouraging, supporting and cheering on for their successes and offering Band Aids and support when needed.

And it is my hope to offer to new writers the same support and encouragement I received when I started writing. Everyone needs someone to champion your creative cause: writing, music, art, dance, film, photography, business or sport.

Your champion will provide encouragement when it appears hardest and swift kick in the backside when you’re slacking off.

Your champion will smile and nod when you tell them your latest crazy idea and won’t be afraid to ask how you’ll be able to pull it off.

Your champion will trumpet your success and commiserate your failure (and later on, make it an object lesson so you learn from your mistakes).

Be A Champion and Leave a Legacy

And then there will come a time when you will become the champion for someone else because it is the biggest and best thing you can do.

I want to ensure my character lasts longer than my words (although it would be nice if my words and works were recognised, too).

I want to create a community where we champion each other’s causes whether it’s writing, music, art, dance, film, photography, business or sport because it is more blessed to give than to receive and it fulfills the commandment to ‘love thy neighbour as thyself.’ 

Go the extra step; offer the jacket when you’re asked for the shirt.

Champion someone’s creative cause.

Can I offer you a Band Aid?

Post It Note Poetry February 24

February 24 – Washing Line Conversation

Post It Note Poetry Feb 24

Last night’s conversation

Continues on the clothes line

The shirt and blouse entwined

Embraced in the music of the wind

Trousers slipped off

Placed one on the other

Now creased and dishevelled and

Two pairs of underpants side by side

As they were last night

Post It Note Poetry February 18

February 18 – Today’s Lesson

Post It Note Poetry Feb 18

A quick kiss

Of spousal affection

Snaffled in the kitchen.

Two young daughters

Laugh hysterically

And learn a lesson

Untaught by books

[FGC #2] The Photographer’s Concerto

[FGC #2] The Photographer’s Concerto

 “Charlotte,” she said, extending a hand. “Charlotte MacKay. I’m the photographer.”

A figure in black extended his hand. It was sweaty but cold and the reek of curry wafted over her. “Michael Bailey, band manager. Knock yourself out.” He stepped to one side allowing her through to the side of the stage. Around her black figures unwound mic cables, tuned guitars and placed various bottles around the stage. The crowd congregated at the other end of the room, sipping beers and drawing on cigarettes.

The thud of a kick drum felt like a punch to the stomach as the drummer ran through a sound check. From the side of stage, Charlotte watched the lean musculature of the drummer’s left arm as it raised and lowered like a pendulum, cracking the snare. Through the viewfinder of her camera she reeled off a few shots.

With the sound check over, the crowd pressed forward to the barrier, drinks abandoned at the bar. The lights dimmed and the crowd gave its approval: whistling and yelling, their voices tearing apart the darkness. Four shadows crossed the stage, fine-tuning, swigging from bottles, turning volume knobs. At the crescendo of the crowd’s voice the lights exploded like a thousand suns and the band struck the opening chords.

Across her line of sight past the bass player and lead singer, Charlotte glimpsed the guitarist. He wore an unbuttoned paisley vest, no t-shirt and long shorts with his guitar sitting slightly high. His hair danced around his shoulders and the guitar was an extension of his arms. Moving from the side Charlotte dropped between the barrier and the stage. Squeezing past the bouncers she stood before the guitarist, a worshipper before the shrine. Putting the viewfinder to her eye she sought the soul of this man.

Behind her the crowd pulsed in an orgiastic cycle of adoration, worship and dancing. Charlotte’s heart quickened, racing in concert with the shutter. Each frame captured a little of his essence, a relic to be fingered in quiet moments of prayer and contemplation.

The set finished and the house lights raised but the crowd lingered, unwilling to let go just yet, savouring the rapture of the music. Charlotte squeezed past security, back to her camera bag. From the corridor leading off stage a figure emerged, his head wrapped in a towel. His chest gleamed with sweat as he towelled off his head, drying his hands before offering one to Charlotte.

“Jake de Brito.”

His voice was softer than she imagined, and she noted a slight fragility in his frame, obscured by the stage lights. Bereft of his guitar he stood before her, a mere mortal. She watched his fingers move involuntarily, forming shapes and patterns in the air like a secret language; the fingers invoking sounds from the darkness of the void.

“Thanks for, like, coming to take photos of the band.”

“No, it was fantastic. I haven’t done a band shoot for ages and this was an awesome gig. What the street press are writing about you guys is spot on.”

He shrugged. “Did Michael, like, look after you?”

“Yes, thank you.”

A voice called from the corridor leading back stage. “Jake, you comin’ man?”

“Yeah. Hang on,” he yelled back. “Might see you soon, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Charlotte watched Jake disappear into the black. The persona captured on film was powerful and articulate; a shaman who summoned life and let it explode through his guitar. Without it, he was human but the magic boiled away at his fingertips.

“Hey, MacKay.” The waft of curry shot through with beer and cigarettes announced Michael Bailey’s arrival behind her. “Thanks for shooting. Send your invoice to my office.” He handed over a business card. “If you want, you’re invited to the post-gig party. Address is on the back.”

Charlotte scanned the address and pocketed it like an Access All Areas back stage pass.

Killing the engine of her Datsun 180 she flicked on the interior light and rummaged amongst the loose papers and film canisters on the floor of the passenger side. Finding an old lipstick she applied it while looking in the rear vision mirror. Pocketing another full roll of film she made her up the driveway to a broad fronted house.

At the end of a long corridor a second-hand clothes store explosion of flannelette, torn denim, scuffed boots lounged on chairs, stood in doorways and congregated in every spare area of the huge lounge room. The stereo cranked out late night radio through the haze of cigarette smoke. Adjusting her leather mini skirt Charlotte felt more glam metal than grunge, the bulkiness of her camera bag against her thigh an added layer of self-consciousness.

She lent against the doorframe, scanning the room unsure of where to go.

“Hey, you’re the photographer from the gig.”

“And you’re the drummer.”

“Mitch. Come in and grab a beer.”

Following through the house Mitch took her to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“Let me introduce you around,” said Mitch.

Mitch lead her through the lounge, the only name Charlotte remembered was a girl’s with a towering teased and tasselled fringe in need of a structural engineer to code it for safety.

In the kitchen a group of guys gathered around the table, populated with loose cards, a bottle of Jack, cans of beer and bottle tops, and loose change. She recognised Michael Bailey, the bass player and singer but her eye fell onto Jake.

“I suck. That’s why I’m not invited to play,” said Mitch.

“Mind if I take some photos?”

Through the lens she snapped Jake’s fingers as they tapped the back of the cards. His hair was tied back into a ponytail and Charlotte noticed again the fragility. Not as a weakness, more a humility of character.

The radio cranked another tune. At the sound of a cello Jake inclined his ear to the sound and mimicked the song.

“Nice work cello boy,” said Michael.

Jake shrugged the insult and caught Charlotte’s eye as she moved the camera from her face. A brief smile formed on his lips as the opening lyrics invaded the smoky haze.

“I just died in your arms tonight.”

There was a chorus of disapproval from the flannelette wearing crowd but enough supporters to form a sing along.

“Mitch, take my place,” said Jake holding up his hand of cards. Moving from his seat Jake came to Charlotte.
“I’m seeing you sooner than I, like, thought.”

He led her out onto a concrete verandah, a rusted Hills Hoist rearing up from an overgrown lawn. They tossed musical preferences back and forth until they found a common ground.

“You remind me of the drummer in my first band,” he said after half an hour of false starts and half-finished sentences. “His time was, like, more fluid than water and he often didn’t know where the ‘1’ was. We were playing rock’n’roll, meat and potatoes music, not some Billy Cobham fusion piece from Mahavishnu Orchestra.”

“Sorry I’m so awkward,” said Charlotte, pulling on the strap of her camera bag. “I’m usually more… articulate.”

“I find music, like, easier. Notes, arpeggios, solos. Words are clumsy in comparison.”

“Next time I’ll be less like your first drummer. Promise.”

“I’ll get your number from Michael.”

****

Tucking the photo portfolio under her arm to avoid the rain, Charlotte dashed from the taxi to the restaurant awning. In her mind she replayed Jake’s message from earlier in the week.

“Hi Charlotte, it’s Jake de Brito. I was wondering, if you had your photos ready you could, like, join us for dinner on Saturday night. We’re at Belafonte’s, say seven-thirty. See you then.” Even through the tinny machine speakers his voice sounded musical.

She had spent the week arranging the shots from the gig and after party, agonising over which shot and in which order to present them.

Shaking off the rain she stepped inside and the raucous laughter from the table at the rear pointed her in the right direction. Jake stood and kissed her politely on the cheek and introduced her to the rest of the table. The band was there, Michael, and a girlfriend or two.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

“Red wine, please.”

Charlotte sat down in the vacant chair, still awkward around these new people. She’d made a habit of existing on the periphery, invisible behind the camera. Putting the portfolio on the table, the girl to her left quickly snapped it up.

“These are brilliant,” she cried and the table turned its attention to Charlotte’s photography. “Oh my God, Mitch. Look at your arm!”

Blushing at the adulation she fielded questions from the girl to her left, identifying herself as an artist. A familiar topic allowed her to proceed smoothly, unaware Jake had returned. She sensed the quietness beside her, a reserved figure simply observing.

For the remainder of the evening her attention was divided between commentary on her portfolio and Jake. It pulled at her; she revelled in the attention her work received but it didn’t allow her to focus her attention on Jake. He politely deferred to the table, not offended by the interruptions. She wanted to drink from his presence, bathe in it. The continual movement of his fingers, playing imaginary songs, created gossamer strands around her heart.

Back at his place, she was surprised to see a cello positioned in the corner of the lounge room.

“I was classically trained from an early age. I wanted to learn guitar but my folks were classical musos. The guitar was, like, beneath them. Had they never heard of Slava Grigoryan?But it was Eddie Van Halen I idolised. I learnt cello as a concession in order to play the guitar. I even learned a bit of piano until they were convinced guitar wasn’t a passing phase.”

He poured two glasses of wine, offering her a seat on the lounge. “Besides, playing cello doesn’t get you the chicks.”

“Do you still play?”

“All the time. It’s different to guitar. Feel. Tone. Pitch. Sound.”

“Would you please show me?”

Setting his wine on the low bookshelf Jake placed the cello between his legs, resting it against his shoulder, tightening the tension in the bow. With a light finger he plucked the strings, his ear held close to the strings as if he were listening for a heartbeat. Charlotte watched the tattooed arm adjust the tuning pegs.

Satisfied with the tuning Jake drew the bow across the strings, pulling out long notes, full of longing, resonating deep in Charlotte’s chest. She pulled a camera from her handbag and a roll of film. Careful not to interrupt the virtuoso she adjusted the camera’s settings and closed her eyes for a moment, carried by the music. Opening her eyes Charlotte moved between notes and passages with the rhythm, pressing the shutter in time with the music. Through the view finder her eye caught the lines of the bow perpendicular to the strings; Jake’s arched fingers against the neck, his knee hooked into the curve of the cello’s body.

Jake grinned at her once, changing the tune to a quicker, lighter pace before the sonorous tones emerged again. Charlotte crossed her arms and held her camera to the right of her chin, studying her subject. Moving back to the couch she wound off the film and began to reload.

“The sound is sensuous, almost melancholic, yet beautiful,” she said.

“Playing cello is like making love to a woman,” said Jake, his legs straddling the dark stained wood. His fingers rested lightly on the body of the cello, the bow waiting for the invocation of music, the horsehair tickling the strings above the bridge.

“And like all guitarists, you name your instrument.”

Charlotte crossed her legs on the couch and sipped at her wine.

“What’s her name?” she asked.

“Celie.”

The woman frowned, no knowledge forthcoming.

“From The Color Purple,” he said.

“The movie with Oprah in it. I’ve seen it. But isn’t Celie raped by her father and beaten by her husband?”

“I read the novel. It’s the redemption found in love. And you can’t treat a cello like a loose woman. That’s what guitars are for.”

Returning his focus he looked at the woman seated on his couch. She leaned back into the furnishings, her feet crossed beneath her.

“If this is your lover,” Charlotte said indicating the cello with her wine glass, “how do you make love to her?”

Jake adjusted his legs around the cello. “You embrace her. Find the position where she is resting against you, comfortable and intimate. The body of the cello has the shape of a woman, curved and full.” Jake ran his hand down its body as if he were feeling a woman’s breast or the curvature of her thigh. Taking up the bow he began to play.

The cello’s notes, full of anticipation, took up the melody. “Each note made up here on the neck is her breasts: sensuous, ripe, engorged. With each touch you develop the song. You caress, press, touch.”

Jake saw Charlotte glance down at her own breasts, the fingers of her hand fiddling with the shirt button, perhaps conscious of their small size. He hesitated to make eye contact and let the music weave throughout the room, passionate incense perfuming the room.

“When you make love, you must remember all parts of a woman’s body. You embrace her to feel the softness of her skin, to inhale her fragrance, to consume her. But her breasts are but one part of the symphony.”

The bow arched and fell as Jake pulled and pushed it across the strings watching flakes of resin disintegrate from the hair and float under the light. The strokes gained intensity, no longer pushing and pulling, but thrusting with controlled ferocity. The music reached a crescendo, held sustained but not resolved. Jake plucked at the strings, a quick pizzicato, holding the tension. Attacking with the bow, the notes were drawn out in a hasty flight up and down the neck of the cello. An improvised solo, pushing, pulling, thrusting.

The bow arched sharply, the final note held in a vibrato by his fingers on the neck. Jake felt his breathing slow and become deeper. He rested his hands on his knees, touching the body of the cello, a light intimacy, with the headstock leaning into his shoulder.

Charlotte, the raven-haired woman with the camera for eyes, placed her empty glass on the table. Crossing the floor she felt Jake’s arm curve around her waist, pulling her into his lap. Positioning the cello between her thighs, her hands shadowed his fingers. The bow moved arched slowly over the strings and her fingers followed his like a spider on the neck. Even now she could feel the vibration through the bow moving up his hand and into hers.

Turning her head, her mouth brushed against his ear.

“Play me.”

I must thank Jodi Cleghorn for giving me permission to use her characters, writing the beginning of their relationship. Thank you for the trust in staying faithful to the characters you created.

You can read the story that inspired it, and what happens to them here: What I Left to Forget

Word Count: 2500

Jake and Charlotte

 

He invited her back to his place, their conversation far from finished. She was surprised to see the cello positioned in the corner of the lounge room.

“Classically trained from an early age and all through high school. My folks were classical musos and the guitar was beneath them. Had they never heard of Slava Grigoryan? But it was Eddie Van Halen I idolised. I learnt cello as a concession in order to play the guitar. I even learned a bit of piano until they were convinced guitar wasn’t a passing phase.”

He poured two glasses of wine, offering her a seat on the lounge. “Besides, playing cello doesn’t get you the chicks.”

“Do you still play?”

“All the time. It’s different to guitar in its feel, tone, pitch, sound.”

“Would you please show me?”

Setting his wine on the low bookshelf Jake placed the cello between his legs, resting it against his shoulder as he tightened the tension in the bow. With a light finger he plucked the strings, his ear held close to the strings as if he were listening for a heartbeat. Charlotte watched the tattooed arm tune the strings.

Satisfied with the tuning Jake drew the bow across the strings, pulling out long notes, full of longing, resonating deep in Charlotte’s chest. She pulled a camera from her handbag and a roll of film. Careful not to interrupt the virtuoso she adjusted the camera’s settings and closed her eyes for a moment, carried by the music. Opening her eyes Charlotte moved between notes and passages with the rhythm pressing the shutter in time with the music. Through the view finder her eye caught the lines of the bow perpendicular to the strings; Jake’s arched fingers against the neck, his knee hooked into the curve of the cello’s body.

Jake grinned at her once, changing the tune to a quicker, lighter pace before the sonorous tones emerged again. Charlotte crossed her arms and held her camera to the right of her chin, studying her subject. Moving back to the couch she wound off the film and began to reload.

“The sound is sensuous, almost melancholic, yet beautiful,” she said.

“Playing cello is like making love to a woman,” said Jake, his legs straddling the dark stained wood. His fingers rested lightly on the strings, the bow waiting for the invocation of music, the horsehair tickling the strings above the bridge.

“And like all guitarists, you name your instrument.”

The raven-haired woman crossed her legs on the couch and sipped at her wine.

“What’s her name?” she asked.

“Celie.”

The woman frowned, no knowledge forthcoming.

“From The Color Purple,” he said.

“The movie with Oprah in it. I’ve seen it. But isn’t Celie raped by her father and beaten by her husband?”

“I read the novel. It’s the redemption found in love. And you can’t treat a cello like a loose woman. That’s what guitars are for.”

Returning his focus he looked at the woman seated on his couch. She leaned back into the furnishings, her feet crossed beneath her.

“So this is your lover?” Charlotte asked indicating the cello with her wine glass. “How do you make love to her?”

Jake adjusted his legs around the cello. “You embrace her. Find the position where she is resting against you, comfortable and intimate. The body of the cello has the shape of a woman, curved and full.” Jake ran his hand down its body as if he were feeling a woman’s breast or the curvature of her thigh. Taking up the bow he began to play.

The cello’s notes, full of longing, took up the melody. “Each note made up here on the neck is her breasts: sensuous, ripe, engorged. With each touch you develop the song. You caress, press, touch.”

Jake saw Charlotte glance down at her own breasts, the fingers of her hand fiddling with the shirt button, perhaps conscious of their small size. He hesitated to make eye contact and let the music weave throughout the room, passionate incense perfuming the room.

“When you make love, you must remember all parts of a woman’s body. You embrace her to feel the softness of her skin, to inhale her fragrance, to consume her. But her breasts are but one part of the symphony.”

The bow arched and fell as Jake pulled and pushed it across the strings watching flakes of resin disintegrate from the hair and float under the light. The strokes gained intensity, no longer pushing and pulling, but thrusting with controlled ferocity. The music reached a crescendo, held sustained but not resolved. Jake plucked at the strings, the pizzicato quick, flicking the strings, holding the tension. Attacking the strings with the bow, the notes were drawn out in a hasty flight up and down the neck of the cello. An improvised solo, pushing, pulling, thrusting.

The bow arched sharply, the final note held in a vibrato by his fingers on the neck. Jake felt his breathing slow and become deeper. He rested his hands on his knees, touching the body of the cello, a light intimacy, the headstock leaning into his shoulder.

Charlotte, the raven-haired woman with the camera for eyes, put down her empty glass. Crossing the floor she felt Jake’s arm curve around her waist, pulling her into his lap. Positioning the cello between her thighs, her hands shadowing his as fingers. The bow moved arched slowly over the strings and her fingers followed his like a spider on the neck. Even now she could feel the vibration through the bow moving up his hand and into hers. Turning her head, her mouth brushed against his ear.

“Play me.”

 

This is an extract of a longer piece, which you can read on Sunday, as part of the Write Anything Form and Genre Challenge. Many thanks to Jodi Cleghorn for giving me permission to use her characters, writing the beginning of their relationship.

You can read the story that inspired it here: What I Left to Forget

 

Pillow Talk

“What do you mean ‘Headaches were not listed in the brochure’ darling? Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”

“I only meant it as a joke, sweetheart.”

“The reason I have a headache is because we spent all day on the water, and, despite wearing sunglasses, the glare off the water and the champagne we drank has given me a headache. I’m not saying it because I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“I didn’t doubt you had a headache. It was meant as a joke, but it seems to have backfired slightly.”

“A headache is a headache. What you said indicated you were disappointed you weren’t getting any tonight.”

“I’m sorry. It was meant to be a light hearted jest. This is our honeymoon, after all. I thought we could spend some more ‘quality time’ together.”

“What do you think I am? Just because we’re on our honeymoon am I an amusement park rollercoaster to ride whenever you please?”

“No, I don’t think you’re…”

“I’m not the one with a penis bursting out of my pants simply because I ogle even a glimpse of boob. Is this what you were after? Just a moment ago you wanted my boobs in your face and now you won’t look at them?”

“At the beginning of the week you were up for almost anything. I’ll never look at the mini-bar fridge in the same way again.”

“Do you think I can be turned on and off like a vibrator? Take me, baby. I’m all yours. What, all soft and soggy now? Won’t the bucking bull try and throw off the cowgirl. And I wouldn’t go comparing myself to a stallion; a Shetland pony is more your style.”

“I’m sorry I said anything.”

“Don’t turn your back on me while we’re talking. I know this is our honeymoon and we have the rest of our lives to be together, but it’s not a 24-hour shag fest. It would be good to see a bit more of the sights while we’re here.”

“Okay, we will. Is this conversation finished?”

“Not even remotely. Poking me in the back with an erection and asking if I’m awake does not count as foreplay. Sometimes I like surprises, but occasionally, some effort and consideration wouldn’t go astray. And you can forget about the camera. I am not risking candid snaps ending up on my mother’s facebook page. And while we’re on the topic of ‘Things That Annoy Me’ it wouldn’t kill you to leave the bed before breaking wind. It is not necessary to fluff the blankets to check if it smells. Stop laughing. You thought I was asleep the other night when you let one rip.”

“How did a discussion about our sex life become an argument about my personal hygiene habits? You aren’t much better. The other day in the supermarket you dropped a landmine when you were with the trolley. I came back with the bread and copped a nostril of Satan’s butt crack.”

“I didn’t know it was going to smell.”

“You whisper with a clenched fist when you fart. And do you mind not taking a whiz while I’m brushing my teeth. It’s just… wrong.”

“If you could aim for the bowl, it would be greatly appreciated.”

“I’ll aim for the bowl if you don’t leave skid marks. Nothing worse than opening the lid and finding the brown hornet has practiced landing runs.”

“That’s gross.”

“You’re the one who started down this line of argument. And I don’t appreciate morning breath that would strip paint from walls in my face.”

“I don’t have stinky morning breath.”

“How would you know? You don’t have to breathe it in.”

“This bloody headache is killing me and the tablets haven’t helped much. I’m going to sleep. Good night.”

“So, sex is out of the question tonight, then?”

Photographs and Diamonds

Joseph picked up the silver-gilded frame and stared at the image. A nervous young man stood stiffly in an army dress uniform with his arm around the waist of his new wife, dressed elegantly in a simple, straight white satin dress and carrying a simple bouquet. The couple stood in front of the church doors as well-wishers broke into applause.

He remembered how giddy Helen was with excitement the day they decided to get married. Home on leave he asked her. The war prompted quick action on the field of battle and off it. A promise was a promise until the day you died. And that could be any day. It was a time when memory was long, a handshake communicated trust and steadfastness was an anchor in a marriage.

The young man aged into the weathered reflection staring into the photograph. Sixty years had passed since that day and with it a million memories.

Returning the photograph to the dresser Joseph straightened his tie and adjusted his cuffs. In the mirror a formal black suit replaced the dress uniform. Helen interrupted his reverie.

“It’s time for the party, dear and we are the guests of honour. Everyone is waiting for us. Happy anniversary, darling.”

The Umbrella Flowers

The rain made mad dashes down the windowpane.  Droplets raced one another to reach the bottom.  Kneeling against the back of the couch Charlotte settled into the cushions, peeking at the street through the rain.  She pretended the rain was writing messages in a special language only able to be read by a four-almost-five year old.

Charlotte pressed her hands to the window and watched the condensation form around her fingers tips. She touched her nose to the glass.  The moisture and coldness tickled the tip of her nose making her giggle.  As she giggled her breath clouded the glass and obscured her view.  Wiping the glass clear with the sleeve of her t-shirt she breathed again to see how far she could fog the glass.
“Daddy, the umbrellas are flowering again.”
Her father came and put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
“Umbrellas only flower when it rains,” she said with the authority of a four-almost-five year old.  “They are mostly black in colour, which are sad looking.  I like it when there are some coloured ones to look at.  They are my happy umbrella flowers.”
Father and daughter knelt side by side on the couch and counted the umbrella flowers blooming in the street on their fingers.  Daddy counted black umbrella flowers while Charlotte counted happy umbrella flowers.

“Can we go outside and be umbrella flowers too, Daddy?”

A loaded question with the weight of a young girl’s expectations balanced against a father’s responsibilities.

He looked at his daughter, stroking her hair with his hand.  “I’m sorry darling, but Daddy has a lot of work to do.  Maybe some other time.”

He kissed her on the forehead and pushed himself off the couch.  Charlotte sank into the lounge cushions and went back to watching the rain.  The four-almost-five year old body language matched the gloomy pattern of the weather.

Back at his desk the storm of papers, spreadsheets, bills and accounts swirled into random patterns.  He tried to focus but couldn’t.  Leaning back in his chair he could see into the lounge room where Charlotte still sat peering out the glass.

“Stuff it.  It can wait another half an hour.”  Throwing down his pen he called out.  “Come on sweetheart, let’s go and be umbrella flowers.”
There was a mad scurry to find Dorothy the Dinosaur gumboots, raincoat and hat.  A short delay was encountered as they scrounged for umbrellas.

Standing in the doorway to the backyard Charlotte and her father watched the rain hand in hand.

“Are you ready, darling?”  With a snap of plastic an umbrella bloomed, bright red with black lady bug spots.  “Here you are.”

Charlotte dashed into the rain and stopped in the middle of the backyard, a brightly coloured flower.  She looked with glee at the rain dripping off the tips of the umbrella as it played a nursery rhyme rhythm.

“I am a happy umbrella flower, Daddy.  Look at me.”  She sploshed and splashed through the puddles in the backyard, a bright red spot of fun.

Squatting down on the garden verge Charlotte peered into the wet foliage.

“What can you see, sweetie?”

“Come look, Daddy.”

Joining his daughter at the garden’s edge he looked to where she was pointing.  A common garden snail trawled the leaf.

“His eyes are up on long, long stalks and they are looking at me,” Charlotte said.  “We won’t squash this one, Daddy, will we?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“This snail is grey and his shell is all brown and swirly and he’s moving along the leaf.”

Under the pitter-patter of the rain on a black umbrella flower and red umbrella flower with black dots, father and daughter watched the progress of the snail until it reached the tip where it turned around and headed back again.

“Let’s go, Daddy,” said Charlotte.

The umbrella flowers went on an expedition around the backyard, looking under leaves, poking sticks into puddles and counting the rain drops as they fell from the corner of the clothesline.

“I want to go inside now, Daddy,” said Charlotte.

At the back door, umbrellas were shaken out, gumboots pulled off and raincoats discarded.  Charlotte rushed into her bedroom and brought out her dolls to the lounge room.  From his office desk, her father heard a replayed account of their time in the garden as umbrella flowers.  A broad smile emerged on his face.

While he sat at his desk poring over the storm of paperwork, a little person who was four-almost-five appeared at his side.  She threw her arms around his middle and said, “I love you, Daddy,” before running back to the lounge room and her dolls.

“I love you, too,” he called out loud enough for Charlotte to hear.